Self portraiture, the beauty of expression and self love!

Seeing beauty in others comes to me naturally. That is why i love photographing regular women. I love capturing that beauty, showing them what they take for granted about themselves in a beautiful way and seeing the happiness in their eyes moves me. But does that mean i have been a foolproof confident lady with no self doubt whatsoever? There have been times, months and years together when i haven't felt like looking into the mirror. Ever since i gained a lot of weight, i wasn't proud of my body. Forget about what people said, but all i called myself was fat, short, plump and dark..Something that i would never describe someone else ever. People are more than their physical attributes and that should not be how they are identified as. I confess I haven't taken care of myself for the longest time. Eating junk for the love of it, emotional eating, not exercising and putting on more anyways because what the hell? who cares? I can't be one of those beautiful women out there anyways. I wouldn't believe when someone even said i was beautiful. I just thought they were being really nice to me and it is a sweet thing to say. 

I have always been a nerd and a workaholic. I enjoy what i do so i don't realize my limits as to where to stop. But as this year started there was a voice in my head just asking me to slow down. I wanted to breathe more. I felt like being silent and noticing gaps of nothingness. I felt like I wanted to relish each moment a little more. As i started doing that, i felt the urge of making a few changes in my life. I am a professional, but learning fuels my soul. I feel dead if i am not learning constantly. Jessica Lark, one of my favourite worldclass boudoir photographers opened slots for her cohort at the Arcanum. I applied and she picked me as an apprentice and i entered a totally different world of artistry. Under her mentoring, I stopped doing things i don't love. Totally stopped it..And concentrated my energies back into doing only one thing that i love - simply creating art. Since i slowed down, i started experimenting more, my artistry improved. I started feeling more relaxed, more happy. I felt the urge of eating healthy..something that nobody could have talked a foodie into eating. I started feeling more lighter. I started feeling more energetic and i felt like utilizing it somewhere and i joined the gym. I was someone who dragged her feet while walking and now i feel like running on the treadmill. I feel like sweating it out, i feel like pushing my stamina harder. All this just by slowing down in life and doing the one thing that i love. Things just connected to one another that made my life easier everyday. Have i lost all the weight i put on in all these years? Ofcourse not..not even close. I have a long road to go. I want to be fit, energetic and well so that i can do what i love doing more and more. I feel like i owe it to myself. Yes i am still fat, plump, dark and short but i am happy that i treat myself better now. I am glad that i look into the mirror now, see the care and love that i expect from someone else from my own eyes. I am glad i am comfortable in my own skin, however it be. I feel the love for my own body. I feel that feminine spirit in me again. I generally push the other women around me to see their own beauty but now i exactly know how they feel when they see it..because now i can feel that about myself all over again.

This self portraiture session was to express this celebration of embracing my body and my insecurities.  A celebration of falling in love with myself all over again. Here are a few from the session.

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