From confusion to clarity - Zeroing down my focus

For the past two months, moving out from a job to a "business", by instinct i listed down all the kind of work i could undertake and by default i started looking for work in all those areas. Corporate videos, documentaries, Editing, color correction, wedding photography, product photography, every single thing that came to my mind. I thought i would be efficient in earning money, because yes we do this and we do that too. Flopshow! Big flopshow. I thought this would be fun and it wasn't. Not one bit.

All my life, in every stage of my life, i have always known what i've wanted. And this time i had no clue. Felt like i had lost my identity. I've always identified myself by someone who has a clear vision of what i exactly wanted. And now i didn't. I felt so lost and i slowly started spiraling down feeling hopeless. It didn't matter what all i could do. What mattered is what i wanted to do and what would i absolutely love to do. I didn't want to take up work just for the money. It just felt too icky! I needed my vision back. So before diwali, i stopped. I stopped doing everything and decided that i needed to get clarity on what i wanted to do. The world could wait till then. I realized all the video production work, i liked it because it was for my own shortfilms. I had a vision and a purpose for doing it. I love the camera but i don't enjoy shooting weddings, i didn't enjoy events, etc,etc. The reason i have shot weddings was because they were my friends. (And i did enjoy it because of that.) So my list started shrinking and shrinking. I came to these set of rules for myself -

1) I will never work for money, Money will always flow towards me by doing what i love.
2) Film making - i will make short films, feature films, only our films, films made by White Hole Creations. 
3) Photography - i love shooting portraits and landscapes. I love shooting women and making them feel beautiful

Here i was, clear on what i wanted to do now. It felt much better, felt very light and now i was excited. A Makeover Portrait Studio! Clicking women and making them feel gorgeous. It would make me jump out of bed every morning to do this everyday. I have been preparing for this ever since. Educating myself of things i don't know about. Techniques, educating myself on business side of things, designing it in a way it would suit my personality, customizing my career on what i am as a person. Life has been good since then. I smile when i wake up and when i go to bed. Its still work in progress but it feels so good working towards it. It feels like I'm living my purpose and nothing is more fulfilling than that. I started shooting some friends, family to build a portfolio. And their reaction after seeing their own pictures was priceless for me. My friend Nivedita said to me "All my life i thought i wasn't photogenic. I'll never be able to say that again. I could never imagine that i could look so gorgeous". Priceless!

I know what many people would say to this. "Yeah not everyone can have a fun career. We need to earn money, we have responsibilities."
Fact - you make your own conditions, your own circumstances. You just need to get out of your own way and let yourself be and do what you want to do. You are going to have everything that you make a priority for yourself. If it is earning money doing what you love, your gonna have it. If you say you can't, that will be the truth for you. And here you can select your own truth. All you need to tell yourself is - It's okay! It's really okay to do and have what you want. You accept this and the world will change for you. No exceptions whatsoever!

I made a series on our White Hole Creations facebook page - Getting your "gorgeous" out! Posting the shoots. I'll be blogging my photoshoots. Some with stories, some letting the pictures be a story. I also plan to put up my work in progress of building up my studio. I can't wait to create and keep creating and learning forever. This is fun! :)